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Choose Your Poison

Edgy DC
Jul 18 2005 01:20 PM

You've written the script of scripts. Like you were communing with something other than yourself and it was delivered unto you and poured out through your word processor.

When you dangle it, Hollywood bites. But only one studio, and they insist you pick one of their inexplicably always-working, occasional-big-box-office, craptastic bad-action hack directors for your beautiful work. With the requisitie gun to your head, rank these suckers in the order of your willingness to turn your baby over to them.

Joe Dante
Robert Zemeckis
Joel Schumacher
Richard Donner
Michael Bay
Paul Verhoeven

Vic Sage
Jul 18 2005 01:31 PM

Verhoeven has made some indisputably excellent films, so he'd top the list.

And Schumacher should be burned at the stake, so he's at the bottom.

Zemeckis is not to my tastes, but he's at least competent. And Tom Hanks will probably be in it, so its worth taking a chance with Bobby if Paul V is too busy.

Dante, Donner and Bay... sounds like a law firm, or 3 of Santa's reindeer.

Donner and Dante have both had ocasion to make good films, but Donner is really a tired old hack at this point, and Dante's cartoon sensibility is more akin to my own. Bay's movies are loud and obnoxious and stupid. Still, he's not Schumacher so he has that going for him.

Therefore, my list in descending order:

Verhoeven
Zemeckis
Dante
Donner
Bay
Schumacher

soupcan
Jul 18 2005 07:27 PM

Zemeckis did Back to the Future if I am not mistaken.

Good enough for me.

Verhoeven did Showgirls right? Naked chicks always make movies better so if he got it, that'd be fine.

The others I don't know enough about to opine on.

Vic Sage
Jul 20 2005 11:36 AM

for those unfamiliar with the works of this particular list of directors...

[u:seblymvh]Verhoeven[/u:seblymvh]
Hollow Man (2000) - sucked
Starship Troopers (1997) - bad, but fun
Showgirls (1995) - awful, but fun
Basic Instinct (1992) - overrated
Total Recall (1990) - good Sci-fi
RoboCop (1987) - GREAT Sci-fi
Flesh & Blood (1985) - bad
The Fourth Man (1983) - GREAT
Spetters (1980) - ok
Soldier of Orange (1977) - GREAT

[u:seblymvh]Zemeckis[/u:seblymvh]
The Polar Express (2004) - mediocre
Cast Away (2000) - overrated
What Lies Beneath (2000) - bad
Contact (1997) - decent
Forrest Gump (1994) - EXTREMELY overrated
Death Becomes Her (1992) - bad
Back to the Future Part III (1990) - bad
Back to the Future Part II (1989) - bad
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) - GREAT
Back to the Future (1985) - okay
Romancing the Stone (1984) - mediocre
Used Cars (1980) - good
I Wanna Hold Your Hand (1978) - mediocre

[u:seblymvh]Dante [/u:seblymvh]
Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003) - suckola
Small Soldiers (1998) - amusing, but bad
Matinee (1993) - surprisingly not bad
Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990) - bad
The `burbs (1989) - real bad
Amazon Women on the Moon (1987) - some funny bits, but bad
Innerspace (1987) - bad
Explorers (1985) - not terrible
Gremlins (1984) - GREAT
Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983) (segment 3) - good
The Howling (1981) - GREAT
Piranha (1978) - bad
Hollywood Boulevard (1976) - bad


[u:seblymvh]Donner [/u:seblymvh]
Timeline (2003) - bad
Lethal Weapon 4 (1998) - suckola
Conspiracy Theory (1997) - mediocre
Assassins (1995) - bad
Maverick (1994) - bad
Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) - mediocre
Radio Flyer (1992) - bad
Lethal Weapon 2 (1989) - mediocre
Scrooged (1988) - interesting mess
Lethal Weapon (1987) - okay
The Goonies (1985) - okay
Ladyhawke (1985) - good
The Toy (1982) - awful
Inside Moves (1980) - okay
Superman (1978) - almost great
The Omen (1976) - good
[plus 20+ years of tv movies, series]

[u:seblymvh]Bay [/u:seblymvh]
The Island (2005) - comes out next week
Bad Boys II (2003) - awful
Pearl Harbor (2001) - unspeakably awful
Armageddon (1998) - okay
The Rock (1996) - okay
Bad Boys (1995) - mediocre

[u:seblymvh]Schumacher[/u:seblymvh]
The Phantom of the Opera (2004) - disaster
Veronica Guerin (2003) - bad
Phone Booth (2002) - bad
Bad Company (2002) - bad
Tigerland (2000) - bad
Flawless (1999) - bad
8MM (1999) - bad
Batman & Robin (1997) - catastrophic
A Time to Kill (1996) - okay
Batman Forever (1995) - contemptible
The Client (1994) - okay
Falling Down (1993) - interesting
Dying Young (1991) - bad
Flatliners (1990) - real bad
Cousins (1989) - extremely bad
The Lost Boys (1987) - surprisingly good
St. Elmo's Fire (1985) - annoying, but ok
D.C. Cab (1983) - bad
The Incredible Shrinking Woman (1981) - disastrous

Edgy DC
Jul 20 2005 12:19 PM

Donner

Radio Flyer (1992) - bad

Just bad? This is one of Hollywood's legendary dogs.

Ladyhawke (1985) - good

Acceptably odd. Just looks cheap today, with one of those perfectly dated eighties fantasy synth scores.

Superman (1978) - almost great

Hmmm....

Actually don't respond. I'm in a lousy state today and my judgment is impaired.

Willets Point
Jul 20 2005 01:06 PM

Edgy DC wrote:
I'm in a lousy state today and my judgment is impaired.


I thought you were in the District of Columbia. Or are you traveling? And which state is so lousy as to impair judgement?



(Someday when I'm not safely behind a computer I'm going to get the beat down I deserve for my sarcasm).

Edgy DC
Jul 20 2005 01:11 PM

St. Elmo's Fire (1985) - annoying, but ok

Sheesh. Bad enough to redefine what bad is. Sheesh. I'd rather have my head dunked in the toilet after my bad sax solo.

Vic Sage
Jul 20 2005 01:46 PM

Well, i did say it was "annoying". And i didn't say it was "good".

But i have some affection for it, as it depicted that time after college with your friends that i was going thru at that moment. And i was desperately in love with Demi.

soupcan
Jul 20 2005 02:54 PM

Vic Sage wrote:
...And i was desperately in love with Demi.


Me too.

Sigh...

Johnny Dickshot
May 06 2006 05:09 PM

I mighta taken Ally Sheedy then just to be different.

Edgy DC
May 06 2006 09:10 PM

Wow, ten months later a response.

Demi's character was monstrous --- self-centered, self-destructive, chasing after sugar daddies, probably sporting venereal disease. Basically, it was hard to get into any of those women because they were into those men.

Yuck, they were a gross diseased little clique of smug weenies.

Johnny Dickshot
May 06 2006 09:41 PM

I was looking for some movies to rent.

Edgy DC
May 06 2006 09:50 PM

Two things I rented recently with low expectations and was delighted in.

Hitch: low expectations based on that genre.

Wonderboys: low expectations based on Michael Douglas.

Johnny Dickshot
May 06 2006 10:32 PM

Wonderboys is reveiwed highly in this room. Hitch was all right.

I was looking for a list where Vic Sage gives me a decent but not overwhelming number of good movies to choose from.

Went to metacritic instead and got NOBODY KNOWS -- Japan's feel-bad movie of the decade! (good flick anyway though)

Vic Sage
May 11 2006 03:52 PM

i've got "good movie" lists all over this forum, ya yutz!
by genre, by director, by star... i've even got a top 100 somewhere!

don't go relying on strangers... it makes me feel betrayed, somehow.