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I'm not gonna get suckered in again...

Vic Sage
Jul 15 2005 10:24 AM

... after the destruction of so much of my work, i refuse to contribute anything more than a simple response and a vote.

I just couldn't take the heartbreak again

Benjamin Grimm
Jul 15 2005 11:30 AM

That being said, I'm looking forward to your take on Fantastic Four.

sharpie
Jul 16 2005 10:11 PM

C'mon Vic, pick yerself up the floor. You gonna let some kid in probably Norway ruin your career as a film critic?

Johnny Dickshot
Jul 18 2005 08:31 AM

The Crane Pool Forum
¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ > The Non-Baseball Forum
¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ > Norrin Radd's Summer Movie Roundup... ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬

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Here's the stuff i've seen and what i'd like to see this summer:

1) PUNISHER - i missed it, so i'll look for it on cable. should be there any day now.

2) HELLBOY - really excellent adaptation of the Mignola/DH comic book. Perlman is top-notch, excellent look and feel. One of the best CB adaptations ever, actually. Cool make-up.

3) VAN HELSING - dumb as a box of rox. Looks cool, and a good idea in there somewhere, but it tries to do too much (story-wise) and is wholly unsatisfying. Jackman is ok, for what he has to do. This is the 3rd really stupid movie i've seen the attractive Kate Beckinsale in (PEARL HARBOR and UNDERWORLD being the others). She needs somebody else reading scripts for her. And one would only wish the image of Dracula could not be captured on celluloid this time around. He... ummm... sucked.

4) TROY - It doesn't do the ILIAD justice, but what it does do, it does pretty well. Pitt is surprisingly effective as the narcissistic mercenary killing machine Achilles. Eric Bana comes back nicely from his awful HULK performance to play Hektor, the only seemingly sane man in Troy or Greece, who ultimately faces the indomitable Achilles in a suicidal gesture of patriotism. Orlando Bloom goes from LOTR warrior elf to Hecktor's moony-eyed kid brother who starts a war cuz he's hot for Helen. Brian Cox (as Agammemnon) is terrific as always, and Peter O'Toole... well, he's Peter O'Toole. Which is a pretty good thing to be. Wolfgang Peterson does an amazing job of projecting the sheer massive scale of this epic battle, as well as the intimate moments filled with the martial virtues and vices of combat and men in war. Ladies might like it for Pitt's buff naked ass.

5) KILL BILL 2 -- still on my "to see" list. KILL BILL 1 was one of my faves of last year.

6) SHREK 2 -- seeing it next weekend with my family. The first one is terrific fun.

[on edit: just saw it... pretty good. some hilarious moments. Banderas' Puss n Boots was terrific. Still like the 1st one better].

7) HARRY POTTER 3 -- i hated the first 2 movies, and have no interest in the books, but everybody says this is the one to see. Its got a new director (ANYBODY would be better than that hack, CHris Columbus), a Spanish import, and it supposedly has a more complex and interesting tone and style. we'll see.

8 ) ZATOICHI -- in the tradition of great blind samurai flicks, actor/director Kitano has made... well, another one. I'm so there.

9) CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK -- Dame Judi Densch, meet Vin Diesel. Mr. Diesel, Dame Densch. Epic SF adventure... trailer looks amazing. Could easily suck, but its worth a look.

10) SPIDER-MAN 2 -- hoping its an improvement over Spider-man 1, which was only ok. Molina is a great choice for Doc Ock.

11) KING ARTHUR -- yet again. But i saw the trailer in front of TROY, and it looks pretty cool. Basically, anytime they want to do any version of this story, i'm there.

12) I,ROBOT -- it looks like they've eviscerated the Asimov stories to make a Will Smith vehicle. I'll wait for the reviews on this one.

13) CATWOMAN -- Halle Berry in a bondage costume. Definitely a rental.

14) THE VILLAGE -- M.Night Shamalamadingdong's new movie. After SIXTH SENSE and UNBREAKABLE, he's earned not only the right to do a semi-lame movie like SIGNS, but this one too. He's terrific, and even when he's not good, he's pretty good.

15) THUNDERBIRDS - they've done the classic BBC super-marionation series as a live-action family adventure SPYKIDS type movie. OY. wait for cable.

16) ALIEN V PREDATOR -- it worked in the comics, it could work on the screen.

17) HERO -- Japanese war epic, with Jet Li. Yep.

18 ) SKY CAPTAIN & THE WORLD OF TOMORROW -- live actors in a CGI world. Looks like the Fleisher/Superman cartoons of the 1930s. Art Deco style. Could be absolutely awful, but i'm going to check it out in theaters. whatever its vices, its virtues need to be seen on a big screen.

"The summer sun, high in a baseball sky, shines like diamonds..."
Edited by: Norrin Radd at: 5/25/04 1:39 pm

CookieMom
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Kill Bill 2 is great - Tarantino at his best.

If Volume 1 was homage to martial arts films, then Volume 2 is more the homage to the old style western. More story oriented/less bloody than the first film, with Tarantino's sense of humor showing up in the oddest places. If you liked the first one, you need to see how the story continues/explains itself.


holychicken
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Kill Bill definitely was awesome. . .

and you missed "Supersize me" which I JUST saw this past weekend. . . really enjoyable documentary and I suggest it to everyone.


The Big Train¬

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Day after Tomorrow falls off your list?

The funny thing about Arthur is it's claim that this time it's the "true story." Please. Arthur is to Lord of the Rings as Pearl Harbor is the Titanic.

___________________________________

Norrin Radd
1.
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chicken, this is a "summer movie" thread.

posts about documentaries, romantic comedies, serious dramas, "chick flicks" and art films need not apply... nor are foreign films welcome, unless they are horror / sf / fantasy / action / animation, with a high body count.

oh, and i forgot one:

THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW -- the Emmerich epic about the end of the world due to environmental catastrophe. The film the Bush administration doesn't want us to see! INDEPENDENCE DAY and STARGATE were both stupid but good-looking and fun sf/action films, so i'm hoping for more of the same.

[on edit: cross-posting with Train]


Norrin Radd

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>TRain: "...Arthur is to Lord of the Rings as Pearl Harbor is the Titanic."

i'm still trying to figure this one out. I'm glad i don't have to take the SATs again.

Norrin Radd

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aside from DAY AFTER TOMORROW, other upcoming fantasy/action -type movies i'm interested in are:

20) EXORCIST:THE BEGINNING - a WWII era prequel!
21) AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS - though i'm loathe to enjoy remakes of films that were perfectly fine to begin with, this one has Jackie Chan, so it might be worth catching on cable.
22) DEATHLOK - this is listed as an August release on IMDB, but its got no stars, no major studio behind it, so i'm dubious. Still, its one of my favorite Marvel Comics characters, so I'LL be there if HE is.

other films coming up later in the year include:

BLADE:TRINITY - third in the excellent series
INCREDIBLES - An over-the-hill superhero, from Pixar
CONSTANTINE - can Keanu Reeves ruin a great character? Probably, but the DC/Vertigo series HELLBLAZER is finally coming to the big screen, so i'll be there opening night.
BROTHERS GRIMM - mad genius Terry Gilliam takes on the fantasy worlds of the sibling fantasists
POLAR EXPRESS -- CGI Christmas fantasy, with Tom Hanks
PHANTOM OF THE OPERA -- hack Joel Shumacher, after destroying the BATMAN franchise, now takes on Andrew Lloyd Webber's pop opera. No one will emerge unscathed! A debacle in the making! IT WILL WORK!!!


The Big Train¬

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Arthur is to Lord of the Rings as Pearl Harbor is to Titanic.

An expensive dumb idea that got started after some producers saw trailers to another expensive film and decided to rip it off, then got financing after they saw the opening week receipts of the other film.

___________________________________

Doctor Sponge
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I have one movie to see this summer...ANCHORMAN.


ejflor

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Liked Kill Bill 2 a lot, but I was only lukewarm on Kill Bill 1. Sometimes I feel like everyone loved Vol. 1 except me. The whole anime part of that really was pointless to me. I'll be checking out King Arthur in great part because of Keira Knightley, but the trailer looks cool too. I liked Troy and there was a hot chick's ass in it it too.


A Bartlett Giamatti.
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Hey! Welcome to the MOFO!

cooby
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Excellent, Bart


Wide BeeGee

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Tell us more about Keira Knightly's ass ... NOW!!!!


Norrin Radd
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well, i don't know much about Kiera's ass, but in TROY, Helen of Troy shows a very nice ass in a brief bedroom scene with Paris (Orlando Bloom). She's played by some teutonic model/actress named, um, Kruger, i think. She's more model than actress, but a fine ass.


The Big Train¬
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First of all, I think vampire movies are invariably dumb. Unless you're going for dumb ‚ÄĒ just using a vampire as an excuse to make Abbot and Costello run around ‚ÄĒ you don't get me.

Second of all, putting that aside, what the hell is Van Helsing chasing Frankenstein's monster (or anybody but vampires) around for? The only universe where Dracula, Frankenstein's monster, and the Wolfman are simultaneously threatening the populace is a desperately uncreative one filled with fruity marshmallow cereals.

Norrin Radd
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first of all, Vampires are mythic archtypes that have resonated in various cultures at various times throughout history. They are icons that embody our fears and our desires... the universal impulses toward Eros and Thanatos. There is a reason that, unlike most other horrific figures, Dracula usually has a romantic component, even sometimes a sympathetic quality.

You rarely get a more interesting and compelling creature in literature, art, film, etc. In fact, the whole appeal of the "Universal Monsters" pantheon is much more interesting than many modern horror characters, and will continue to endure long after Freddy Krueger returns to the realm of nightmare.

So i disagree with you there, but your mileage may (and does) vary.

secondly, ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN is a great movie, where Frankenstein, Dracula and the Werewolf all meet and fight. An earlier FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLFMAN was also pretty good.

CookieMom
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With respect to Troy, the best comment I heard about it was that it could turn a straight man gay.

The Big Train¬
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Vampires don't resonate with me. They bore me. Cooby embodies my fears and desires

But Abbot and Costello ‚ÄĒ they resonate.

Van Helsing is supposed ot be fighting spawns of Hell, not lab creatures. It's totally out of his job description.

Bram Stoker was a terrible writer. Even by the standards of his time and his genre. He can't touch M. R. James and Sheridan LeFanu.

cooby
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M.R. James!!!

At last, a kindred spirit!!



Willets Point
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I like that a blind Greek poet from 2800 years ago has an entry in the IMDB.

cooby
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Edgy, what are your favorite MR James stories? It is hard to choose, but mine are

The Ash Tree
The Mezzotint
Number 13

Just looking in my book makes me shiver


theoldmole

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Agree - ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN is one of the great American comedies.

SIGNS wasn't semi-lame ... it was one of the worst movies ever made.

Just came back from SUPER SIZE ME, for which my friend Hans did the sound. It was well made, funny and scary.


holychicken
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so, yeah. . .I just saw a preview for Catwoman and I haven't quite recovered yet. . .I mean, wow. . yes. . .awesome. . .i can't freakin wait.


cooby

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Edgy, did you see my question? If you don't really have an answer, that's okay


holychicken

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hey mole,

did he happen to choose the Wesley Willis song "rock and roll mcdonalds" that was hilarious. If so, give him a pat on the back for me. . .it was perfect

The Big Train¬

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Funny film year. As with The Passion of Christ, the stories around the movies becomes more of a story than the films themselves.

The Day after Tomorrow is being embraced for propaganda purposes by environmental activists, anti-Bush activists, and Vice President Gore, despite virtually all of them acknowledging that the film has little more basis in reality than Godzilla did.

Supersize Me has been withdrawn from promotional shows on VH-1 and MTV, who are also refusing their ads, as Viacom doesn't want to piss off the junk food advertisers who pay their bills.

metsmarathon¬

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i so cannot wait to go see the day after tomorrow


holychicken

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might skip out of work a little early to see it today

The Big Train¬
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My girl generally cannot care less for celebrity gossip, but she makes a point of supporting Dennis Quaid's career since Meg Ryan (reportedly) ditched him, and strangely celebrates the opposite trajectory their careers have seemingly taken.

The Big Train¬

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The last paragraph in Washington CityPaper's review of Around the World in 80 Days:


[Jackie] Chan has long craved planetary superstardom, and to this end he's developed a genial comic persona that's more akin to Buster Keaton than Bruce Lee. With Around the World in 80 Days, he's almost created the ideal vehicle for himself. The movie is innocuous, old-fashioned, and a little shoddy, yet blessed with physical grace, intermittent wit, and impeccable mass-market instincts. Still, it's difficult to overlook the fact that Chan's increased control over his career has brought him only an expanded version of the same role he played 24 years ago in his second Hollywood venture, Cannonball Run: the Asian sidekick in a middling chase picture.
Ouch.

Yancy Street Gang

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The word Asian probably wasn't necessary. The point is that he's playing a sidekick. Most likely, any character he portrays will be Asian.


The Big Train¬
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The point is that he's an Aisian sidekick to a caucasian protagaonist, not unlike the embarrassing situation of Bruce Lee looking for mainstream crossover success and ending up as Cato in the Green Hornet.

More technically, of course, Dom DeLuise was side-kick in Cannonball, but the point is there.

The Big Train¬
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The Terminal

A WWF smackdown of product and logo placement.

_
Doctor Sponge

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Sponges saw Shrek 2 this past weekend. Cracked me up. Puss in Boots steals the show.



CookieMom
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Did you stay for the credits in Shrek 2?

Ya Gotta Believe
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KING ARTHUR

Keira Knightley as a warrior Guinevere.

Must see.


The Big Train¬
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No huh-way.


Willets Point.
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You're probably just anti-Pict.


The Big Train¬
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C'mon. This has all the hallmarks of some producers seeing the early returns on The Lord of the Rings and deciding to knock it off.

I particularly fear a tagline that claims, "The untold true story that inspired the legend."

True story?!

Willets Point
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You're ruining my Keira Knightley fantasy.

I've read books about the historical Arthur, and there's a case for someone or someones of that name leading rebellions agaisnt the Romans. I don't expect this movie really will be true to life (if such a thing is possible) though.

Willets Point
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Oh and to quote Norrin Radd "this is a "summer movie" thread". No brains required.


The Big Train¬
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There is a case for a real Arthur, the trailers don't look like that case.

Willets Point
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Isn't that what I said?

The Big Train¬

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Sure. I just changed the punctuation and moved some words around and let on like I had an orginal thought.

No fooling you, though.

Willets Point
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If I were truly compassionate I would have let it slide and let you have your moment in the sun, but no it's always gotta be about Willets Point.

Norrin Radd
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KING ARTHUR will undoubtedly suck.

Producer Jerry Bruckheimer is the crassest and stupidest of successful producers currently working, and like BLACK HAWK DOWN and TOP GUN, he'll turn this enduring myth into a loud, moronic rock video about beautiful, vapid young people slicing each other up, MTV style.

director Antoine Fuqua (TRAINING DAY) made his career doing music videos, so he's perfect for Bruckheimer.

But the thing is... It is one of the greatest myths in the canons of western civilization, so, on the off-chance something EXCALIBUR-esque might ensue, i'll probably see it anyway.

and if it screws it up, or offers nothing of merit, i can at least have the pleasure of writing an excoriating review for your reading pleasure.

Willets Point
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Ugh...this is a Bruckheimer movie. I don't want to see it anymore.

Excalibur sucked big hairy, moose balls. Hope and Glory however is an excellent movie by the same director.

I'm still waiting for a good movie based on Arthurian legend.

The Big Train¬
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I liked Excalibur, excepting for the pretty bad performance by the actor playing Arthur.

Of course, I haven't seen it as an adult, so it's probably less than I remember.

I don't like checking my brains. You don't always get them back in the same condition.

I swear, the last time I checked my brains, I think MJ was the brain-check clerk.

Norrin Radd
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>"I'm still waiting for a good movie based on Arthurian legend."

Too late. It's called MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (soon to be a Broadway musical called SPAMALOT... no, i kid you not!). And of course there was CAMELOT... a better show than a movie, but still.

and EXCALIBUR is, too, a good movie... except for the universally bad over-the-top performances and the laughable dialogue ("and i will build a, a...a ROUND TABLE!"). Still, it captures the mythic iconography in a beautiful and, ultimately, moving portrayal of the chivalric code and martial virtues. The music, the imagery, the ideas... its all there.

{Merlin to Arthur: "looking at the cake is like looking at the future... until you've tasted it, what do you really know?... And then of course it's too late." [Arthur eats the cake offered by Guinevere, paying no heed to Merlin's admonition] "Too late..." sighs Merlin.}


LF
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and then someone left that cake out in the rain and, well ... things got all fouled up after that

Willets Point
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The Camelot movie was mediocre esp. compared to the show and the source material. Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a great spoof of the Arthurian legend, what I'm looking for is an equally good film intepretation of the legend itself.



Mets Fan Since 1962
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I'm waiting for the next Cynthia Rothrock Film Festival.

Later

Wide BeeGee
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I'm waiting for the King Arthur film that clearly shows Keira Knightly knaked.

Norrin Radd
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what he said... ditto.

LF
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Or Keira knaked knightly

Norrin Radd
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even better


Mets Fan Since 1962
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"You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din".

Norrin Radd

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A dozen notable cinematic versions of the Arthurian myth (chronologically):

1) Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, A (1949): buh-buh-buh-Bing's version of the Mark Twain tale is engaging, old-time Hollywood nonsense. or maybe i just liked Rhonda Fleming...a hot redhead!

2) Knights of the Round Table (1953): the MGM epic version, with Robert Taylor, Ava Gardner and Mel Ferrer as the triangular lovers. Static, dated, but sincere, with big Hollywood treatment.

3) Prince Valiant (1954): corny comicstrip version of the story comes at Arthurian legend from the perspective of a viking prince. Robert Wagner was as awful as ever, and OH, that haircut!

4) Lancelot and Guinevere (1963) [aka, Sword of Lancelot]: Cornell Wilde directed and starred in this lower-budget version, a bomb that came out after the trend for this stuff had petered out. Not great, but underrated. Brian Aherne reprises his role as King Arthur (he played the King in PRINCE VALIANT, too)

5) Sword in the Stone, The (1963) [animated]: Disney version was not one of their better efforts, employing more limited animation than in their prior era. Still, the usual strong Disney story-telling.

6) Camelot (1967) [musical]: Josh Logan's direction nearly ruins this bloated film adaptation of the great Lerner & Loewe Broadway musical classic. Richard Harris and Vanessa Redgrave are beautiful, but Franco Nero a bit much. Way too many closeups up people's nostrils. But the songs... THE SONGS!

7) Lancelot du Lac (1974) [french]: Austere French version by Robert Bresson is dry and painful to watch.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975): The Pythons' Arthurian spoof has become cultural touchstone. `nuff said.

9) Excalibur (1981): John Boorman's version is considered by most critics to be the best dramatic version of the story ever made.

10) First Knight (1995): dreadful rewrite of the legend to accomodate Richard Gere/Julia Ormond/Sean Connery star power. Sucks monkey balls.

11) Mists of Avalon, The (2001) [TV mini] - best of the many awful TV versions, based on the Marion Zimmer Bradley's SF/Fantasy/Feminist novels.

12) King Arthur (2004): ??? We'll see. But i'm not hopeful of it being more than a trendy, MTV version for teen filmgoers.

While i share WP's longing for a great version of this great tale, i will be satisfied with EXCALIBUR till something better comes along.

theoldmole
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Excalibur is my choice. Boorman is one of the great underrated filmmakers.


JonathanArcher
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I loved Excalibur - Nicol Williamson stole every scene he was in, IMO.

Norrin Radd
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Agreed.

John Boorman's selected filmography:

1) Tailor of Panama, The (2001) - well-regarded Grahame Greene adaptation with Pierce brosnan
2) General, The (1998 ) - terrific Irish biopic
3) Beyond Rangoon (1995) - lame geopolitical drama
4) Hope and Glory (1987) - brilliant autobiographical work about Boorman's adolescence during WWII's bombing of Britain. Oscar-winner.
5) Emerald Forest, The (1985) - beautiful but flawed "save the rain forest" environmental screed
6) Excalibur (1981) - nuff said.
7) Exorcist II: The Heretic (1977) - underrated sequel has minimal thrills, but interesting visuals and ideas
8 ) Zardoz (1974) - mindblowing, acid-tripping SF with Sean Connery. Cult classic.
9) Deliverance (1972) - Oscar-winning classic. Banjos have never been the same since.
10) Hell in the Pacific (1968 ) - Great, iconic WWII drama (often imitated, never duplicated)
11) Point Blank (1967) - Lee Marvin's best, as Westlake's "Parker". Remade recently with Mel Gibson in "Payback".

to be continued

Johnny Dickshot
Jul 18 2005 08:39 AM

The Crane Pool Forum
¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ > The Non-Baseball Forum
¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ > Norrin Radd's Summer Movie Roundup... ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬

Willets Point
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Review of King Arthur


Mets Fan Since 1962
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Jerry Bruckheimer?
Hmmm, were the autopsies performed in Las Vegas or Miami?

The Daily News gave it two stars.


Norrin Radd
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the post gave it 1*.
Not that we didn't see that coming.
I'm seeing it tonight.

review (and review of Spidey 2) to follow.

metirish
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film.guardian.co.uk/quiz/...84,00.html


here's a quiz for you movie buffs.


Mets Fan Since 1962
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8 out of 10.
That was fun.
Thanks.

theoldmole
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I only got 6.

But I'm disappointed it wasn't "Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires."


Wide BeeGee
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6 of 10

CookieMom
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6

Ya Gotta Believe
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6 of 10

Willets Point
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4 of 10, pa-thet-ic!


Yancy Street Gang
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I aced the first three, and then went into a slump, missing six of the last seven. (Correct answers for numbers 1, 2, 3, and 5.)


The Big Train¬ ..
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Of course, them questions have little to do with the movies themselves, but rather tend to be about the gossip and buzz surrounding them.

Mets Fan Since 1962
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Sounds like rationalization to me.

What was your score?

Norrin Radd
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6 out of 10. I missed 4 of the last 5 international-type questions.

about KING ARTHUR:

I saw it Wednesday night, with severely limited expectations. I figured that Bruckheimer was going to "top gun" one of the greatest, most enduring myths of western civilization... dumb it and youthen it, and make it rock, baby!

but he didn't. It was actually a decent movie. It has almost nothing to do with Malory's Arthur, or TH White's, or Lerner & Loewe's... but it has some good stuff of its own.

Don't get me wrong. There are some things about it that are dreadful. The structure, for one. It starts as a narration by a young boy who turns out to be Lancelot, looking back on how he came to be a knight. It would seem then that the story will be told thru Lance's eyes, which is a nice spin on the story. Except, of course, as we know (SPOILER WARNING, for those ignorant of the tale) Lance dies, so how is he the narrator? And much happens that isn't from Lance's POV, so whose POV is it from?

and the love story is totally random, unsexy and arbitrary, as they toss in a glossy, gauzy, hollywood PG-13 love scene that feels like outtakes from a bad music video. No love triangle, by the way, but Lance still comes to Guinevere's aid in the final battle, and she seems devastated by his death (she hardly knew him).

Also, Arthur's legendary status as a warrior has already been established when we meet him. People are already in awe. I'd have preferred, i think, to see him BECOME that legend, rather than have folks talk about it after the fact. We see the origin of Excalibur in a FLASHBACK, for god's sake, thereby leaching it of dramatic impact.

This is not the story of Arthur-Guinevere-Lancelot. Nor is it the Merlin-Arthur story (Paganism vs Christianity), tho' that thread is there, for plot points.

Instead, this version is a story about a great soldier who comes to question the government he's been fighting for, who's been sent on one last pointless quest with his loyal Band of Brothers, and in fulfilling his mission tries to find himself by seeking a purpose in all the bloodshed. It is a story of men at arms... their loyalty, their brotherhood, their sacrifices. Its about figuring out who you really are and what is really worth fighting, killing and dieing for.

It's more a medieval PRIVATE RYAN, with a touch of MAGNIFICENT 7, than it is King Arthur... but thats ok, too.

It works more than it doesn't. Yeah, the script is clunky and poorly structured, but the performances are ok, the action is solid, the themes valid.

Not great, but it didn't suck. Maybe my expectations were so low, they were bound to be exceeded.

metsmarathon¬
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a nice and mediocre 5 of 10.

cheese?!


Mets Fan Since 1962
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8 correct.
Still the one

(Or does that belong in the "first line" thread?)

Willets Point
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a glossy, gauzy, hollywood PG-13 love scene that feels like outtakes from a bad music video

Any glimpses of Keira Knightly knaked?

The Big Train¬
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Sounds like rationalization to me.

Yet, true.

What was your score?

Five or six. Five I think.

Norrin Radd

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>WP: "Any glimpses of Keira Knightly knaked?"

kno.

it's a pg-13, soft-focus, candlelit kind of scene focusing on the ecstacy which a kiss on the neck apparently can bring to a woman. There is a nice shot of her thigh as she brings Arthur's hand up the side of her skirt, but not something to get too excited about.

The scene is very silly.

The final battle has her in some kind of S&M bondage regalia, in blue body paint with tatoos.

It is even more silly that she kicks ass while leading her druidic Woads in hand-to-hand combat against the Saxon hordes.

Archie Goodwin
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Perhaps this belongs in the random thoughts thread, but the guy that plays Lancelot does a good job in the "Horatio Hornblower" series on A&E.


Doctor Sponge
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Saw Anchorman over the weekend. Funny, but a click below Old School in Will Ferrell's dossier, IMOHO.

Bourne Supremecy soon to premier.

Saw a preview for Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. Looks entertaining on a stoned-and-don't-care-what-I-watch level.

Norrin Radd
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hey, spongie

whats your top 10 list of "stoned-and-don't-care-what-I-watch" viewing experiences?

off the top of my head, i'd suggest:

1 - MST3K (especially the AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN episode)
2 - Barbarella (or the 1980 FLASH GORDON)
3 - Happy Gilmore (and just about any other Sandler movie, or movie by any SNL alumni not named John Belushi)
4 - Fridays (as opposed to SNL, which could sometimes be enjoyed while sober)
5 - Head (starring The Monkees; also THE MONKEES tv show)
6 - Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp (I was 8 and straight, but i can imagine watching it 18 and stoned. Ditto THE BANANA SPLITS)
7 - McLaughlin Group (just checking to see if you're paying attention!)
8 - Texas Chainsaw Massacre (i watched the original on Peyote... I don't recommend it for you kids at home, but it was an unforgettable experience)
9 - H.R. PUFNSTUF (and all other surreal Krofft shows)
10 - last but not least, the comedy stylings of ... Gallagher! ("wow, man... check it out. He pounded a watermelon with a sledgehammer! cool...")

Willets Point
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I always wondered what it would be like to watch Mr. Rogers while stoned. "Dude, check out the little trolley car and dude, the cat goes meow, meow, meow Henrietta...woah I think this is a bad trip." Teletubbies could work too.


CookieMom
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Teletubbies would be great to watch while stoned. All those colors....


Mets Fan Since 1962
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Norrin,
Start lining up for your tickets.
I just read today that a movie called "Alien Vs Predator" is in the works, to be released this year.
A few questions:
1) What happened, Mothra was shooting another movie and couldn't be in this one? (Too bad, those tiny twin Japanese girls are something this movie screams out for.)
2) What do you think the diaglogue will be like?
3) Who do you root for in this battle?

We will expect full answers to those questions when you see it.

Thanks in advance.

Willets Point
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Most importantly: what drug should be taken prior to watching?


The Hot Corner¬
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This is a question best answered by old original jb. But in his absence, might I suggest a nice benzodiazepine like Valium or Klonopin for their sedative effect. This might be a good time for a nice 2 hour nap. If not a nap, something to calm you nerves could still be beneficial.


All we need is a ten and a fiver
A car and a key and a sober driver
B double E double R U N, Beer Run

Yancy Street Gang
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I'm looking forward to When Harry Met Sally vs. Sleepless in Seattle.


Mets Fan Since 1962
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TSG,
wondering how to shoot that?
Maybe it could be a Pacino/ DiNiro thing, with them never being shown in the same camera shot.

That, or hire (schizophrenic) actors who could play multiple personalities in one movie. Too bad Peter Sellers isn't around to show them how......

Later

Mets Fan Since 1962
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And,

Can these signs of the Apocalypse be far behind?:


Halloween 267: Roy's Revenge (A documentary style film, showing behind-the-scenes antics of Jason's Las Vegas Revue; includes interviews with Robert Goulet and Wayne Newton; Conflict arises when a seance with Siegfried goes terribly amiss).

Jason and the Argonauts The hockey-masked villian is signed by the CFL Toronto Argonauts, with hilarious results.

Predator Nanny When a vicious alien hunter finds himself downsized and penniless in NYC, he takes a job with a dysfunctionally loveable family of millionaires in the upper East 70s.

A Predator Christmas Christmas just won't be the same when a nasty alien killer finds himself in charge of a dozen adorable orphans.

Halloween Ninja Secret Agent Sergeant Major Captain Green Beret Airborne Ranger Cop Jason and Steven Seagal team up - see them go undercover as herdsmen with the Maasai tribe in Kenya, trying to smoke out pickled herring smugglers in Nairobi.

Ken Burns Halloween A 986-hour documentary on the long-running film series.

Probe-ator Analien Ron Jeremy co-stars with Jason and the Predator in this action/adventure porn romp. John Wayne Bobbitt makes a guest appearance.

Halloween 1,873: The Musical! Featuring the smash hit "Oh, G-d, I can't believe you're sawing me in half with a spoon" by Ladysmith Black Dismembered; guest appearances by Marilyn Manson, Shriekback, Korn, and Celine Dion.


TV Shows:

My Three Million Alien Sons How does a modern monster deal with daily life in the suburbs, while trying to raise a brood of hatchlings to be truly vicious in a PC world?

Chico and the Predator How does an alien killer deal with a lovable, streetwise chicano moving into his spaceship?

Chopping Mall See the riotous results when a happy-go-lucky evil hockey-masked serial killer and a vicious alien monster open up a Foot Locker in an upscale suburban mall in LA!


And of course...

The bush/cheney 2004 commercial showing Jason loading WMDs into the Predator's spaceship - a spaceship sporting a KERRY bumper sticker!!!

Later

Norrin Radd

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>MFS62: "Norrin, Start lining up for your tickets. I just read today that a movie called "Alien Vs Predator" is in the works, to be released this year."

well, you could have read that HERE a while ago, since it is listed as film #16 in my first post in this thread, as part of my summer movie preview.

>A few questions:
>1) What happened, Mothra was shooting another movie and couldn't be in this one? (Too bad, those tiny twin Japanese girls are something this movie screams out for.)

while i'm a big fan of the Japanese monster films of days gone bye (especially Mothra, and his freakish twin thumbalina-type liasons), the inspiration for this movie doesn't go that far back. Both the "predator" and "alien" films were turned into successful comicbook adaptations by Dark Horse comics in the 1990s, and the "Alien vs. Predator" series was the most popular of that line.

While the "A v P" itself was probably inspired to some degree by those Japanese monster-movie crossovers, it was just as easily influenced by the "universal monsters" crossovers of the 1930s-40s, and by 70 years of that type of thing throughout the history of superhero comics.

So i see this more as another comicbook movie adaptation rather than a movie-crossover inspired by the monster movie crossovers of the past.

>"2) What do you think the dialogue will be like?"

- look out, here comes an Alie...
- sssssss!
- oh no, its a pred...
-achhhhrrgggh!

along those lines, i'd imagine. Of course, if Preston Sturges wrote it, it might have more... um... bite.

>"3) Who do you root for in this battle?"

I view it much like i did the Yankees-Braves world series. I was rooting for a plane crash.

metirish
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time for another quiz for the movie buffs..

film.guardian.co.uk/quiz/...69,00.html



Norrin Radd
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i scored 10/10 on that test. I need a life.

here are updates of my summer movie viewing:

1) PUNISHER - still planning to catch it on cable or dvd.

2) HELLBOY - really excellent adaptation of the Mignola/DH comic book. Perlman is top-notch, excellent look and feel. One of the best CB adaptations ever, actually. Cool make-up.

3) VAN HELSING - dumb as a box of rox. Looks cool, and a good idea in there somewhere, but it tries to do too much (story-wise) and is wholly unsatisfying. Jackman is ok, for what he has to do. This is the 3rd really stupid movie i've seen the attractive Kate Beckinsale in (PEARL HARBOR and UNDERWORLD being the others). She needs somebody else reading scripts for her. And one would only wish the image of Dracula could not be captured on celluloid this time around. He... ummm... sucked.

4) TROY - It doesn't do the ILIAD justice, but what it does do, it does pretty well. Pitt is surprisingly effective as the narcissistic mercenary killing machine Achilles. Eric Bana comes back nicely from his awful HULK performance to play Hektor, the only seemingly sane man in Troy or Greece, who ultimately faces the indomitable Achilles in a suicidal gesture of patriotism. Orlando Bloom goes from LOTR warrior elf to Hecktor's moony-eyed kid brother who starts a war cuz he's hot for Helen. Brian Cox (as Agammemnon) is terrific as always, and Peter O'Toole... well, he's Peter O'Toole. Which is a pretty good thing to be. Wolfgang Peterson does an amazing job of projecting the sheer massive scale of this epic battle, as well as the intimate moments filled with the martial virtues and vices of combat and men in war. Ladies might like it for Pitt's buff naked ass.

5) KILL BILL 2 -- finally saw it... loved it. I'm now waiting for the inevitable "director's cut", in which Tarantino cuts the 2 movies into the 1 full length epic that it should've been all along.

6) SHREK 2 -- Pretty good. some hilarious moments. Banderas' Puss n Boots was terrific. Still like the 1st one better.

7) HARRY POTTER 3 -- saw it. Didn't hate it as much as the first 2 movies, but i didn't much like it either. I really don't understand the universal appeal of these characters in these stories.

8 ) ZATOICHI -- in the tradition of great blind samurai flicks, actor/director Kitano has made... well, another one. I'm so there.

9) CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK -- BAD REVIEWS (what a surprise!). I missed it, but i'm going to watch PITCH BLACK on tape first, and then rent RIDDICK thereafter.

10) SPIDER-MAN 2 -- It WAS an improvement over Spider-man 1 (which was only ok). Molina and Maguire are great, Dunst and the male model wannabe playing Harry still suck. The train sequence is exciting, beautiful and, ultimately, moving. Doc Ock was a better, scarier more interesting villian in the movie than he ever was in the comic, and better by far than Green Goblin in Spidey 1. Ms. Harris adds the requisite class and gravitas. JJJ is still perfect.

11) KING ARTHUR -- I've reviewed this elsewhere. logline: They made a very different version of the story, but it wasn't bad.

12) I, ROBOT -- Smith is always good and watchable, but this movie is so riddled with cliches from both the "burned out cop" police procedural genre and the "what does it mean to be human" SF genre, that its ultimately laughable, not moving. It's triteness is coupled with a good look and Will Smith, which made it not suck completely.

13) CATWOMAN -- BRUTAL REVIEWS! Still might catch it on cable, just to look at her.

14) THE VILLAGE -- M.Night Shamalamadingdong's new movie got mixed-to-bad reviews. I still plan to see it.

15) THUNDERBIRDS - they've done the classic BBC super-marionation series as a live-action family adventure SPYKIDS type movie. OY. wait for cable.

16) ALIEN V PREDATOR -- it worked in the comics, it could work on the screen.

17) HERO -- Japanese war epic, with Jet Li. Yep.

18 ) SKY CAPTAIN & THE WORLD OF TOMORROW -- live actors in a CGI world. Looks like the Fleisher/Superman cartoons of the 1930s. Art Deco style. Could be absolutely awful, but i'm going to check it out in theaters. whatever its vices, its virtues need to be seen on a big screen.

19) DAY AFTER TOMORROW - Bad reviews, and it tanked. Missed it and i'm not sad about it.

20) EXORCIST:THE BEGINNING - a WWII era prequel! Saw trailer, and it looks good. Like the underrated Exorcist II by Boorman.

21) AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS - Brutal reviews. Bomb. No interest.

22) DEATHLOK - this is listed as an August release on IMDB, but its got no stars, no major studio behind it, so i'm dubious. Still, its one of my favorite Marvel Comics characters, so I'LL be there if HE is.

other films coming up later in the year include:

- BLADE:TRINITY - third in the excellent series

- INCREDIBLES - An over-the-hill superhero, from Pixar

- CONSTANTINE - can Keanu Reeves ruin a great character? Probably, but the DC/Vertigo series HELLBLAZER is finally coming to the big screen, so i'll be there opening night.

- BROTHERS GRIMM - mad genius Terry Gilliam takes on the fantasy worlds of the sibling fantasists

- POLAR EXPRESS -- CGI Christmas fantasy, with Tom Hanks

- PHANTOM OF THE OPERA -- hack Joel Shumacher, after destroying the BATMAN franchise, now takes on Andrew Lloyd Webber's pop opera. No one will emerge unscathed! A debacle in the making! IT WILL WORK!!!

"The summer sun, high in a baseball sky, shines like diamonds..."
theoldmole
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9 - missed Russell Crowe.

Wide BeeGee
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Farenheit 9-11: Saw, liked. Obviously he plays fast and loose, but a general underlying message is clear: War sucks, and this one sucks especially hard.

Norrin Radd
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while it is a movie, and it is summertime, its hardly a "summer movie".

But i did enjoy it, too. I like it when he's trying to be funny (driving around in an ice cream truck in front of the Capitol, reading the Patriot Act to the congressmen who'd never bothered to read it themselves before voting it into law), and I like seeing footage mainstream media didn't think was important enough to see.

But I liked it less when he was trying to be emotionally manipulative, like lingering way too long on that mother who sent her son off to war and becomes a grieving, hysterical anti-war activist when he ends up dead. And all the conspiracy theorizing tends to be internally inconsistent (is Dubya simply a boneheaded heir apparent, or the clever mastermind of a virtually undetected international oil cabal? Apparently, he's both at the same time!).

But on the whole, i liked it more than i didn't. He's a funny guy, "and you nevah cut funny!" [from MY FAVORITE YEAR].

Norrin Radd
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bump

edgydc
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Extraordinary.

I was reading The Mezzotint tonight, thought of Edgy, and came here and saw that Norrin resurrected this thread.

Vic Sage
Jul 18 2005 10:42 AM
okay, well some of the stuff survived...

Thanks, widey. It's fun to see my summer movie update thread. Just for kicks, i'll finish it off:

>"1) PUNISHER - still planning to catch it on cable or dvd."

I finally caught up with it on DVD. Not as bad as the Dolph Lundgren version. While still not quite THE punisher, its not an awful rental, in its b-movie way.

>"8 ) ZATOICHI -- in the tradition of great blind samurai flicks, actor/director Kitano has made... well, another one. I'm so there.

i missed it, sadly. Still want to see it at some point.

>"9) CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK -- BAD REVIEWS (what a surprise!). I missed it, but i'm going to watch PITCH BLACK on tape first, and then rent RIDDICK thereafter."

saw both of them on late night cable. PITCH BLACK is a better thriller, but RIDDICK has some amazing imagery. Diesel's character is really interesting. Still, a ridiculous movie with atrocious writing.

>"13) CATWOMAN -- BRUTAL REVIEWS! Still might catch it on cable, just to look at her. "

I still haven't managed to make myself watch this one.

>"14) THE VILLAGE -- M.Night Shamalamadingdong's new movie got mixed-to-bad reviews. I still plan to see it."

i haven't seen this one yet either. i do plan to try and catch up with it since Shamalamadingdong's movies fascinate me.

>"15) THUNDERBIRDS - they've done the classic BBC super-marionation series as a live-action family adventure SPYKIDS type movie. OY. wait for cable. "

i plan to avoid this one, even on cable.

>"16) ALIEN V PREDATOR -- it worked in the comics, it could work on the screen."

haven't rented it yet. i'll catch it on late night cable. It'll suck, but i've got to see it.

>"17) HERO -- Japanese war epic, with Jet Li. Yep."

An absolutely BRILLIANT movie, in the "Crouching Tiger" school of serious Chinese martial arts movies. It covers the historic tale of ancient China that is shown in THE EMPEROR & THE ASSASSIN, about a great and terrible Emperor who unites all the provinces into a single nation, at a terrible cost in lives, and the assassin sent to kill him. Jet Li is terrific. It is a haunting, sad, beautiful, exciting spectacle. Director Yimou Zhang is a master. His earlier works distributed in the US (Red Sorghum, Raise the Red Lantern, Ju Dou, Shanghai Triad) were all serious, quite dramas. But this weds those films to traditional martial arts fantasy storytelling, and the results are amazing. Still, the best was yet to come when Zhang came out this past year with HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS... perhaps the best film i've ever seen in this style.

>"18 ) SKY CAPTAIN & THE WORLD OF TOMORROW -- live actors in a CGI world. Looks like the Fleisher/Superman cartoons of the 1930s. Art Deco style. Could be absolutely awful, but i'm going to check it out in theaters. whatever its vices, its virtues need to be seen on a big screen."

I did see it on the big screen and i'm glad i did. It starts out as a terrific movie, and i was sitting there with a big smile plastered on my face. But about 1/2 way thru, the storytelling starts to fall apart and by the end i wanted to put my foot up the director's ass. CGI can't replace a script.

>"19) DAY AFTER TOMORROW - Bad reviews, and it tanked. Missed it and i'm not sad about it."

still not sad about it.

>"20) EXORCIST:THE BEGINNING - a WWII era prequel! Saw trailer, and it looks good. Like the underrated Exorcist II by Boorman."

a disaster, so i'm told. oh well. wait for cable.

>"21) AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAYS - Brutal reviews. Bomb. No interest. "

still no interest.

>"22) DEATHLOK - this is listed as an August release on IMDB, but its got no stars, no major studio behind it, so i'm dubious. Still, its one of my favorite Marvel Comics characters, so I'LL be there if HE is."

He isn't there. Doesn't look like he ever will be.

>"other films coming up later in the year include:
- BLADE:TRINITY - third in the excellent series

Haven't seen it yet. Supposedly blows. will see on cable.

>"- INCREDIBLES - An over-the-hill superhero, from Pixar"

Terrific film! bought the DVD.

>"- CONSTANTINE - can Keanu Reeves ruin a great character? Probably, but the DC/Vertigo series HELLBLAZER is finally coming to the big screen, so i'll be there opening night."

Oy. So close and yet so far. Reeves did in fact screw it up, but so did the filmmakers who thought they could improve upon the source material and blundered. Still, not terrible. Watchable, in fact. Just a missed opportunity.

>"- BROTHERS GRIMM - mad genius Terry Gilliam takes on the fantasy worlds of the sibling fantasists "

Didn't come out that summer, but is expected out this August. With Matt Damon and Heath Ledger as the brothers. A new Gilliam film is always worth a look.

>"- POLAR EXPRESS -- CGI Christmas fantasy, with Tom Hanks"

Took my kids. It was ok... nothing more.

>"- PHANTOM OF THE OPERA -- hack Joel Shumacher, after destroying the BATMAN franchise, now takes on Andrew Lloyd Webber's pop opera. No one will emerge unscathed! A debacle in the making! IT WILL WORK!!!"

turned out to BE a debacle, in fact! Still, i'm curious... not curious enough to SEE it, however.

Johnny Dickshot
Jul 18 2005 12:42 PM

Look! He's back in! And all it took was 10 minutes of cut n' paste!

Vic Sage
Jul 18 2005 01:25 PM

somebody starts talking about movies and i just lose complete control of myself.

i am so pathetic...