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First Annual ACPFHSEAGUS Beauty Pageant!

Johnny Dickshot
Jun 13 2005 12:33 PM

Hi, I'm Donny Osmond. I'll be your host for the First Annual All-CPF High-School Era All-Grown-Up Sweetheart Beauty Pageant, brought to you by Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific and Stroh's Beer!

Without further ado, let's meet our contestants!

From New York City... she's got dimples to die for but watch out! She may pull a knife and cut out your heart with it! -- meet Miss Soupcan!

From Long Island ... now making her home in sunny Miami, she's the Chrissie Hynde lookalike who knows all too well that 'bad boys get spanked' ... please welcome... Miss Dickshot!

Our other contestants are making their way down the aisle now... who's next? ...

Willets Point
Jun 13 2005 12:41 PM

I was such a loser in high school that I'm destined to lose this contest as well. There was no <sniff>Ms. Point <sniff> in High School. Thanks for dredging up the painful memories you dick, ... shot.

Benjamin Grimm
Jun 13 2005 12:42 PM

I right-clicked on the image of the woman with the cheekbones and the knife. It seems her photo is on the web because she was speaking at some conference.

I think soupcan should show up at the conference during her speech and announce to the crowd that she had once pulled a knife on him.

It would be very dramatic. Maybe like something out of Falcon Crest.

(I never watched Falcon Crest so I have no idea if they ever used this plotline. Maybe if they had, they'd still be on the air!)

Edgy DC
Jun 13 2005 12:49 PM

She's a hotshot latina film producer. I was thinking that Soup was lucky his racial discrimination suit didn't go to trial, otherwise SeƱorita Stilletto (also known as The Can Opener) would have been the star witness, detailing a sordid history of teenage sex harassment.

SOUPCAN LAWYER: Objection! Relevancy!

JUDGE:Denied!! The dimpled witness may proceed.

Jun 13 2005 12:51 PM
Edited 3 time(s), most recently on Jun 13 2005 12:53 PM

Not latino my litigous friend.

Sam was/is 100% African American.

I was so ahead of my time.

On second thought one of her parents may have been caucasian.

So maybe I wasn't THAT far ahead of my time.

Jun 13 2005 12:52 PM

She's a lawyer now, and I think this photo is pretty bad. Her name will remain hidden to protect the innocent. Apparently, she married a friend of hers from high school who I never liked because I was sure he wanted to make a move on her, even though he denied ever wanting to do so to my face. Grrrr.

Jun 13 2005 12:54 PM

I am so winning this so far.

Jun 13 2005 12:55 PM

Sorry, the Daugerrotype image has long since faded.


Jun 13 2005 12:58 PM

I got my feet wet just putting in Terry first, not thinking that Theresa would have
been a whole lot smarter. I ain't playing, lol ....