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I'm Ogden Nash

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 09:21 AM

This isn't exactly rap on the level of George Foster, but here some classic baseball poetry:

Lineup for Yesterday
by Ogden Nash



A is for Alex
The great Alexander;
More Goose eggs he pitched
Than a popular gander.

B is for Bresnahan
Back of the plate;
The Cubs were his love,
and McGraw his hate.

C is for Cobb,
Who grew spikes and not corn,
And made all the basemen
Wish they weren't born.

D is for Dean,
The grammatical Diz,
When they asked, Who's the tops?
Said correctly, I is.

E is for Evers,
His jaw in advance;
Never afraid
To Tinker with Chance.

F is for Fordham
And Frankie and Frisch;
I wish he were back
With the Giants, I wish.

G is for Gehrig,
The Pride of the Stadium;
His record pure gold,
His courage, pure radium.

H is for Hornsby;
When pitching to Rog,
The pitcher would pitch,
Then the pitcher would dodge.

I is for Me,
Not a hard-hitting man,
But an outstanding all-time
Incurable fan.

J is for Johnson
The Big Train in his prime
Was so fast he could throw
Three strikes at a time.

K is for Keeler,
As fresh as green paint,
The fastest and mostest
To hit where they ain't.

L is for Lajoie
Whom Clevelanders love,
Napolean himself,
With glue in his glove.

M is for Matty,
Who carried a charm
In the form of an extra
brain in his arm.

N is for Newsom,
Bobo's favorite kin.
You ask how he's here,
He talked himself in.

O is for Ott
Of the restless right foot.
When he leaned on the pellet,
The pellet stayed put.

P is for Plank,
The arm of the A's;
When he tangled with Matty
Games lasted for days.

Q is for Don Quixote
Cornelius Mack;
Neither Yankees nor years
Can halt his attack.

R is for Ruth.
To tell you the truth,
There's just no more to be said,
Just R is for Ruth.

S is for Speaker,
Swift center-field tender,
When the ball saw him coming,
It yelled, "I surrender."

T is for Terry
The Giant from Memphis
Whose .400 average
You can't overemphis.

U would be 'Ubell
if Carl were a cockney;
We say Hubbell and Baseball
Like Football and Rockne.

V is for Vance
The Dodger's very own Dazzy;
None of his rivals
Could throw as fast as he.

W is for Wagner,
The bowlegged beauty;
Short was closed to all traffic
With Honus on duty.

X is the first
of two x's in Foxx
Who was right behind Ruth
with his powerful soxx.

Y is for Young
The magnificent Cy;
People battled against him,
But I never knew why.

Z is for Zenith
The summit of fame.
These men are up there.
These men are the game.


We should do this for the Mets!

Here's how it will work:

We start with the letter A. (It's the first letter of the alphabet.)

Submit a four-line entry, in the spirit of Ogden Nash, for the letter A.

If your A player has already been covered, go ahead and submit another for that same player.

If you think you can improve on something that someone else has previously submitted, go ahead and submit your version.

When A seems exhausted, we can move to B. (We can always come back to previous letters, too.)

Maybe, if this works out, we'll all have collaborated on a kick-ass Ogden Nash style poem about the Mets.

I'll kick things off with this humble submission:

A, Agbayani
But we call him Benny
His homer off Frisco
Brought pleasure to many

Willets Point
Sep 02 2005 09:27 AM

]E is for Evers,
His jaw in advance;
Never afraid
To Tinker with Chance.


Not that there's anything wrong with that.

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 09:31 AM
Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 09:50 AM

B is for Benson
Our quiet 'Ace in the Hole'
Brought his fastball from Pittsburgh
Pulled his wife off the pole


or

B is for Bell
Derek parked his yacht in the sound
Went from fast start, to slumping,
to 'Operation Shutdown'

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 09:33 AM

I like those.

But are we already done with A?

Willets Point
Sep 02 2005 09:39 AM

A is for Ashburn,
An old vet from Philly,
Shouted "Yo La Tengo,"
But still got knocked silly.

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 09:48 AM

Edit: Sorry, I'm not good with rules.

A is Alfonzo
Dashing in thirteen
Had 6 hits against Houston
One of the 10 best Avi'd seen

Edgy DC
Sep 02 2005 09:50 AM
Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 09:52 AM

C is for Carter
Who could play through an ache
I think his smile was real
But hs curls wre all fake

Willets Point
Sep 02 2005 09:51 AM

C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.

Edgy DC
Sep 02 2005 09:54 AM

Seo just comes off the DL in mid-season form.

Johnny Dickshot
Sep 02 2005 10:01 AM

A is for Anderson
A pinch-hitting shark
Whose big celebration
Was inside-the-park

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 10:07 AM
Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 10:08 AM

Come on now, which "A" means the most to all of you?

A is for Agee
The Miracle Man
Whose diving catches
Thrilled many a fan.

metirish
Sep 02 2005 10:07 AM

A is for Astacio
Torn labrum had he
Still had a one hitter
But could not save Bobby V.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 02 2005 10:10 AM

Work on your metrics.

Willets Point
Sep 02 2005 10:11 AM

Get metrics-ized!

seawolf17
Sep 02 2005 10:16 AM

This has been a great posting day. Everyone's bringing their "A" game today. Nice job, everyone.

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 10:16 AM

A is for Allen
They say he'd drink til he's wrecked
Got shipped to St. Louie
For an 8-ball-whacked Mex

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 02 2005 10:19 AM

You people are killing me. My head has done eleven 360s from the fractured scansion already.

I know Ogden Nash. I've read Ogden Nash. You, sirs, are no Ogden Nashes.

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 10:21 AM

I don't know what a fractured scansion is.

I try to make rhymes. Rhymes make me giggle.

sharpie
Sep 02 2005 10:31 AM

A is for Aase
Alphabetically first
Who's homer to Randolph
Was '89's worst.

Willets Point
Sep 02 2005 10:32 AM

Bret Sabermetric wrote:
You people are killing me. My head has done eleven 360s from the fractured scansion already.

I know Ogden Nash. I've read Ogden Nash. You, sirs, are no Ogden Nashes.


All you do is criticize. You'd think you were an English professor or something. Oh wait....

Frayed Knot
Sep 02 2005 10:34 AM

A is for Alomar
both father and son
the pop never hit
and his kid was plain done

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 02 2005 10:47 AM

A Boy Named Seo wrote:
I don't know what a fractured scansion is.

I try to make rhymes. Rhymes make me giggle.


If you don't mind, ABNS, I'll tell you. Wrecked and Mex don't rhyme. Mex rhymes with Wrex (or wrecks or rex) and Wrecked rhymes with Mecked, which doesn't happen to be a word.

But the scansion problems come in when you've got a line with two feet (two beats, two stresses, whatever terminology you want to use) such as


"They say he'd drink til he's wrecked"

--there's no way, with seven syllables you're going to be able to find only two stresses in that line, so you're going to hurry it, swallow some syllables, or find some other false way to squeeze seven syllables into only two feet of room. That makes the line scan wrong.

An easy solution would be to re-word:

"who'd drink til he's wrecked."

Now it's still a little screwy, because your tenses are now off (it should be "who'd drink til he was wrecked," but that's too many syllable for a two foot line again). If you changed it to "who'd drink until wrecked," slipping that elided syllable back in in front of the 'til," which you cut in the first place to eliminate a not-strictly-necessary syllable from a too-crowded line, you'd be ok, though the diction now sounds a little arch for the subject matter.

Then you'd work on straightening out the rhyme, and other stuff.

Sorry if I'm coming off like a pedantic bore, but just try to imagine someone doing what you do for a living, only without any training or experience, and imagine how you'd react to their first few attempts. If the Old Mole, who's more skilled than I am as a versifier, shows up, maybe hecan conduct a short seminar on principles of verse.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 02 2005 10:57 AM

Look at Frayed Knot's quatrain, for an extended example. He's got filler all over the place. Several syllables can easily be cut, making the whole thing a lot smoother. Instead of

A is for Alomar
both father and son
the pop never hit
and his kid was plain done

we cut most of the introductory syllables, which are mainly redundant anyway, and we get

A is for Alomar,
father and son.
Pop never hit
and his kid was plain done

which is closer to sounding like Nash, only Nash had a certain wit, as well, which is much harder to replicate.

So if I can offer a further editorial amendment to FK's fine first draft, I'd create a little parallelism:

A is for Alomar,
father and son.
Pop had no pop
and his kid had no fun.

This is maybe 15% or 20% of a full-powered Nash quatrain, but we're starting to get there.

Just tell me to STFU and I'll stop. I really don't want to go tedious on your asses, but I'm gearing up for my first creative writing class next week.

Willets Point
Sep 02 2005 11:00 AM
Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 11:15 AM

Bret Sabermetric wrote:

Just tell me to STFU and I'll stop.


Oh sure we tell you to STFU and they you'll go on one of your 'I'm persecuted because I'm not a Mets fan" tirades. I'm not falling for that.

OE: Kee droppin th fina letter i th word I writ latel. Tha annoy m!

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 11:02 AM

Actually, Sal did a damn good job with the Alomar quatrain. Bravo.

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 11:08 AM

That's good stuff, Sal. I didn't know any of that. And I've honestly never seen Ogden Nash's show, either (the one with Don Johnson, right?). Yes, I'm fucking around, but I don't know Ogden Nash, either. I've never been much of a scholar.

You'll probably still cringe with my upcoming fractured Bonilla verse, but I'll pay attention to it now, anyway, and try to give it less feet. But your last post (where you explained it) was a lot more helpful than your previous one (where you just said your head was spinning). Pedantic maybe (I looked it up), but not a bore.

OlerudOwned
Sep 02 2005 11:15 AM

C is for Castro
Backstop Plan-B
His bat has been clutch
but damn he's ugly

Vic Sage
Sep 02 2005 11:16 AM
The Bard Nash-ifies the Mets of "A"

I am one that
knows what's to be
But the Miracle Mets
made me doubt what Aase

I was Kurt with Abbott
and sold Jack and Aker
Kurt's skills proved him false
and Jack's deed?
Even faker.

Mex sure covered lots of turf
so we sure got our Allensworth

Sandy said: "Bert, you Alo-marred your reputation
when you gave the ump a demonstration
of your skilled expectoration

There's been manny an Alexander
but most have been a good deal grander

Aguilera and Anderson pulled off a neat trick
by getting their moms to name them both Rick

Sayonari Agbayani
off to Japan
to make more monnie

Acevedo, time to go
Juan time's enough to see the show

Hi, A-G
U-R-2 me
all that I still C-U-B
in my mind's I
the king of "D"

to be continued...

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 11:17 AM

B is for Backman
Hard-nosed as hell
Rarely went deep
But played the game well.

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 11:18 AM

]Just tell me to STFU and I'll stop.


I found it interesting.

I'm no literary scholar either, but I've always liked Ogden Nash, especially that poem.

If you want to take any of our verses and make them more Nashified, I say get out your red pen and start Nashing.

G-Fafif
Sep 02 2005 11:28 AM

A is for Atlanta
Aaah, here's the rest:

[url]http://mets2005.myblogsite.com/blog/_archives/2005/5/24/881652.html[/url]

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 11:33 AM

C is for Carter
Known as "The Kid"
Played with a smile
That he never hid.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 11:49 AM

D is for Darling
Smart as can be
Ladies would scream
As he worked 1-2-3.

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 12:05 PM

Is this more Nashy?

D is for Darling
Too much did he think
Till his sinker would rise
And his riser would sink

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 02 2005 12:46 PM

The form and content are both great--if I were to tinker with anything I'd start trying to fix the inversion in the 2nd line, which sounds too artsy-fartsy for my taste. I'm probably going to make this worse, because I'm dropping the witty chiasmus in your final two lines altogether, but

D is for Darling
who thought so damned much
that the weakest of batters
became, to him, clutch.

Not very good, but I guess I will almost rather have a worse poem than one that employs an unneeded inversion. Maybe that's just me, but so many would-be poets rely on it heavily, and I never want to see one again.

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 01:01 PM

D is for Darling
From Hawaii he hails
Thought way too much
We can blame it on Yale


Does Hawaii screw it up? Or the tense in hails/Yale? Who and what?

Johnny Dickshot
Sep 02 2005 01:11 PM

D is for Darling
Stolen from Texas
If arms were like cars
He'd be a new Lexus

Arm like a Lexus
Head like a Pinto
A darling collision
They often got into

metirish
Sep 02 2005 01:17 PM

Good stuff guys..

A is for Alexander
The great he was not
Traded to the Cubs
For Turk and a guy named Rojas

seawolf17
Sep 02 2005 01:23 PM

"Scansion" and "chiasmus" in the same thread? Is this an ENG 388 class?

Irish, I like the sentiment, but "not" and "Rojas" definitely do not rhyme.

Edgy DC
Sep 02 2005 01:25 PM
Edited 2 time(s), most recently on Sep 06 2005 09:39 AM

B.B., Blaine Beatty
Billy Beane and Bob Bailor
Double-B Mets
Oft' fail, sorry sailor!

Bruce Berenyi, Bruce Bochy
And Bruce Boisclair
Bruised hearts of Met fans
Dumb 'nough to care

Bohanon, Buchanan
Brians, theme both
Brett Butler, Billy Baldwin
Rarely did show'th

Double-B's back in time
Going back to the 'hood
With Bobby Bonilla
Suddenly lookin' good

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 01:36 PM

Some of these entries are exceeding Nash's four-line standard.

Anyway, here's my attempt at Bonilla:

B is Bonilla
With plugs in his ears
He knew that the boos
Would drown out the cheers

metirish
Sep 02 2005 01:45 PM

A is for Alexander
Played second base quite well
Traded to the cubs
For Turk and a guy named Mel.

SwitchHitter
Sep 02 2005 01:49 PM

A is for Ashby
No-hit battery mate
First Astro to homer
From both sides of the plate

Oh, wait......


(Actually, I did a whole Astros alphabet when I read Nash to my kids at bedtime and they asked, "Which ones of those are Astros?" and I had to tell them that none were. This is an excellent thread.)

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 01:53 PM
Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 02 2005 02:07 PM

="metirish"]A is for Alexander
Played second base quite well
Traded to the cubs
For Turk and a guy named Mel.


I think to get the right sound, you need to limit to five (maybe six) syllables per line.

Maybe...

A, Alexander
Played second quite well
Swapped to the Cubs
For Wendell and Mel

seawolf17
Sep 02 2005 01:58 PM

Sorry, Annie, but since you started it:

A is for Aurelio
Gave up the first run
Calhoun let two more in
And their season was done.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 02:04 PM

Are we going to choose one quatrain for each letter to use in a Mets Nash poem? If so, are we going to choose from among our submitted entries now or later?

SwitchHitter
Sep 02 2005 02:09 PM

We're going to let Bret choose.

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 02:10 PM

Later. For now, let's keep piling them up.

F is for Flynn
His glove, though a goodie
Was exceeded by far
By his love of Woody

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 02:13 PM

E is for Everett
Was rough with his kid
He said he didn't
The Mets said he did

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 02:15 PM

E is for Elster
Much talent untapped
His biggest mistake?
He wouldn't adapt.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 02:18 PM

F is for Franco
The better of two
He gave us a show
Whenever he threw.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 02:22 PM

G is for Gooden
Known as Doc K
A spectacular kid
Let his skills waste away.

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 02:25 PM

Mr. Q,

Here's my revised homework. Mex/vexed? The tense would still be jacked up, though. Bah.

---

B is for Benson
An 'Ace in the Hole'
His fastball's from Pittsburgh
His wife's off the pole

B is for Bell
Yacht sits in the sound
From fast start, to slump,
To 'Operation Shutdown'

A is Alfonzo
Chic in thirteen
6 hits ag'in Houston
The best Avi'd seen

A is for Allen
Who'd drink til he's wrecked
Got shipped to St. Louie
For an 8-ball-whacked Mex

D is for Darling
From Hawaii he hails
Thought way too much
We can blame it on Yale

Now can I go to recess? I better get a 'B' or mom'll be pissed.

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 02:27 PM

D, Doc and Darryl
They filled us with hope
Then brought us all down
By doing the dope

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 02:31 PM

H, for Hernandez
Though there have been three
Mex was the best
We all can agree.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 02:39 PM

I is for Izzy
Who once pitched at Shea
The trade for Bill Taylor -
The end of Gen K.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 02 2005 02:39 PM

="A Boy Named Seo"]D is for Darling
From Hawaii he hails
Thought way too much
We can blame it on Yale


Does Hawaii screw it up? Or the tense in hails/Yale? Who and what?


Well, you're doing the inversion-in-the-2nd-line thing again.

You would never (as in literally never) say to someone "From Santa Monica I hail", would you, Seo? I'll bet your fee for uttering that sentence with a straight face is pretty high.

So why put in it in verse? Because it somehow seems "poetic"? Poets last tried a straight-on, no-irony inversion sometime in the late 1930s, but word is sometimes slow getting out.

Now then, "Hails" and "Yale" doesn't work, but it hasn't anything to do with the tense. (Verbs have tense--"Yale" is a noun.) It doesn't work because you've got that nasty "s" on the end of "hail" and nothing is going to make "-ails" rhyme with "-ale," nothing.

So you've got a couple of options: you can try a different rhyme:. (Example:

Fernandez was known as 'Sid the Squid,'
Though he looked more like "Sid the Whale"
Like Darling, home to stubby Sid
Was Honolulu, though not Yale)


Or you might try an elision (a phrase that omits an easily understood word) that would use a possessive form of "Yale"--for example:

"Ron was Hawaii's pride, and Yale's,
But spent one night in Houston's jails."


(though in that particular example, "jail" makes better sense than the plural, but you get the general principle.)

Or you could embed the possessive foem in an enjambment (a construction that has one leg at the end of one line and the other leg at the beginning of the next one):

Darling outpitched Franco, Yale's
Best besting St. John's nine.
An Ivy Leaguer rarely fails
To set the pearls before the swine
.

Actually, I don't remember if Darling or Franco won that duel, but this is purely to illustrate verse, not history.

And they're closing up the library here, so I'll have to continue this at some future seminar. I hope the Old Mole can join in at some point--I always learn stuff from him.

Anyway, if this process seems complex, well, that's why poets make the big bucks.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 02:56 PM

J is for Johnson
HoJo to most
Kept us alive
With Darryl a ghost.

Willets Point
Sep 02 2005 03:02 PM

K is for Kelvin
A name thats quite odd
Yet two Mets are called this
Just one less than Todd

A Boy Named Seo
Sep 02 2005 03:05 PM

You would never (as in literally never) say to someone "From Santa Monica I hail", would you, Seo? I'll bet your fee for uttering that sentence with a straight face is pretty high.

Sorry, I watched Empire Strikes Back last night. I'm scrapping the Darling one and starting over. I suck at this.

D is for Darling
Smart, handsome pal
Readied at Yale
For Shallow Hal

By the way, I embedded the possessive foem in an enjambment just once and I learned my freaking lesson. I won't do that again.

MFS62
Sep 02 2005 03:32 PM

R

R's for Mel Rojas
His name seems to fit.
But each time we saw him
Ol' Mel pitched like shit.

Later

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 04:39 PM

I actually thought the inversion thing was part of Nash's style. But in rereading his original poem, I only found one example:

More goose eggs he pitched

So if we're emulating Nash here, it shouldn't be strictly taboo, but I guess we should take steps to avoid it.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 05:03 PM

K is for Koosman
But we called him Koos.
With him on the mound,
We'd win more than lose.

Johnny Dickshot
Sep 02 2005 05:19 PM

Valadius is just knocking these out.

Darling opposed Viola, not Franco.

C is for Cleon
Livin the life
Caught out of uniform
Without his wife

C is for Casey
Who once asked in shame
Can't anyone here
Play this game

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 05:55 PM

L is for Leiter
Our Jersey Boy
His starts would often
Fill us with joy.

TheOldMole
Sep 02 2005 06:21 PM

L's for Labine
Cleaned up a few messes
Then he retired
To design ladies' dresses.


L is for Landrith--
never knocked down the walls,
But without him, said Casey,
A lot more passed balls.

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 02 2005 06:27 PM

I really like Mole's Landrith entry.

TheOldMole
Sep 02 2005 06:48 PM

And speaking of L...
How about Tim Leary?
His age was young,
But his arm was weary.

Thanx, Yancy.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 08:37 PM

M's for McGraw
Boy, Tug could relieve
His most famous quote?
Ya Gotta Believe.

Frayed Knot
Sep 02 2005 08:43 PM

S for George Seaver
we knew him as Tom.
His fastball was lightning
his curveball da bomb.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 09:24 PM

N is for Niemann
Gave Cashen a toast
He did the least,
Celebrated the most.

Valadius
Sep 02 2005 09:31 PM

O's for Orosco
Was traded for Koos
For many a year
Were hitters confused.

mlbaseballtalk
Sep 02 2005 09:52 PM

P is for Pedrique
Pirate Shortstop of fame
Was a Met for a few days
Trade for a catcher who was lame

mlbaseballtalk
Sep 02 2005 09:53 PM

Q is for Quandry
Cause thats where we are
No Q Mets, not even a Non-Star

Johnny Dickshot
Sep 02 2005 11:00 PM

Q is for Quilvio
Traded for Everett
Though they passed in the night
I can't say if they ever met

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 06:35 AM

="A Boy Named Seo"]You would never (as in literally never) say to someone "From Santa Monica I hail", would you, Seo? I'll bet your fee for uttering that sentence with a straight face is pretty high.

Sorry, I watched Empire Strikes Back last night. I'm scrapping the Darling one and starting over. I suck at this.

D is for Darling
Smart, handsome pal
Readied at Yale
For Shallow Hal

By the way, I embedded the possessive foem in an enjambment just once and I learned my freaking lesson. I won't do that again.


Sorry, typo. "form," not "foem."

I had a rare evening myself--hung out in the Villlage, caught a film, dinner on St Mark's Place before, drinks in the Cedar Bar afterwards. Composed a few while waiting for my waitress, though.

O is for "Omigod
Jesse Orosco"--
We'd wish him in Cooperstown
(some days, in Moscow).

S is for Straw,
whose ability goes
from "super" to "stellar"
to "straight up his nose."

F is for Franco
who lost with a smirk
that made us suspect John
B. Good be a jerk.

O's for Ordonez
who wore "ten" and "zero"--
If popups were ribbies,
he'd be quite a hero.

L is for Leiter
who had young Scott fearing
to play tunes that failed
to please Alois' hearing.

M's for Dave Magadan,
"Better than sex!"
with the bat (With the glove,
"Well, he just ain't no Mex.")

H is for HoJo,
a born-again Christer,
replacing Ray Knight who
was way overpriced, sir.


The best I came up with was Reyes, but I can't get the last line right. Someone want to try it?

R is for "Reyes" (and
"Rabbit being chased.")
Hard to catch? Oh, we say "Yes"

and then I lose it: waste? Haste? Placed? I may be too fancy here, going for the unneeded (but always nice) abab structure rather than settling for the xaxa that's standard in the Nashism.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 07:04 AM

Johnny Dickshot wrote:
Darling opposed Viola, not Franco.

Of course he did.

Kudos for your Cleon. Made me smile.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 09:09 AM

="A Boy Named Seo"]By the way, I embedded the possessive foem in an enjambment just once and I learned my freaking lesson. I won't do that again.


Very funny. Sorry bout putting you in Santa Monica, Seo. Just took a stab, didn't notice your "location" tag.

Oh, and to further the scansion/verse discussion: with Widey's new information, we have an extra unstressed syllable ("Viola" is unstressed/stressed/unstressed, while Franco is stressed/unstressed) so now we need a shorter verb. So:

Darling beat Viola, Yale's
best
etc.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 09:31 AM

C's for Mark Corey,
who'd be a Met if
he'd stayed in his room
as he sucked on that spliff.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 09:58 AM

K is for Kranepool,
Edward Emil.
In a pinch, you'd say "Hit."
You would never say "Steal."

Johnny Dickshot
Sep 03 2005 10:08 AM

D is for David
Arthur, Sky King
"Obnoxious my presence,
Majestic my swing."

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 10:10 AM

K is for Kingman, and
what's not to like? Out-
of-Yellowstone homers
(well, sometimes a strikeout.)

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 10:11 AM

That's a pretty amazing simulpost, Widey.

Willets Point
Sep 03 2005 11:34 AM

Someone's got to work in the bus roling across the Shea parking lot and Tom Seaver and HIS MOUND.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 11:46 AM

Willets Point wrote:
Someone's got to work in the bus roling across the Shea parking lot and Tom Seaver and HIS MOUND.


And that person isn't you because....?

Did you see my question about your nuptials in the NBF?

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 12:29 PM

P's for Piazza
Our very own Mike
With one mighty swing
Our offense would spike.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 12:35 PM

Q is the question
That we all still ask
Will we see a no-hitter?
Can we at last bask?

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 12:39 PM

R is for Reyes
Who gives us a burst
Like lightning he sprints
From home plate to first.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 12:42 PM

S is for Stengel,
Seaver and Straw.
One made us laugh,
Two, gape in awe.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 12:54 PM

T is for Teufel
Who shuffled at bat
When Dibble threw in
Ol' Tuff knocked him flat.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 01:02 PM

U is for Unser
Played center quite well
We got him for Tug
But soon said farewell.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 01:04 PM

V is for Valentine,
Ol' Bobby V.
Mr. Mustachio
Filled us with glee.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 01:09 PM
Edited 1 time(s), most recently on Sep 03 2005 08:14 PM

W's for Wright
Who crushes the ball
If he keeps it up
He'll enter the Hall.

Edit: changed second line.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 02:43 PM

X is for Esix
Quick as can be
After last season
We set him free.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 02:46 PM

Y is for Youngblood
Was on some bad teams
Once, he had hair
His forehead now gleams.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 02:52 PM

Z is for Zachry
Fought with Ron Cey
He was no Seaver
Still, was okay.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 03:26 PM

T is Ron Taylor,
our righthanded closer,
Later a doctor,
first, always, a hoser.


J is for Jesus
Alou, not for Jesus.
The least of three siblings,
All he did was tease us.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 03:36 PM

Johnny Dickshot wrote:
D is for David
Arthur, Sky King
"Obnoxious my presence,
Majestic my swing."


By the way, if anyone wants to invert, here's a great example (actually, two) of ironic-sounding inversion, which is the only kind that's done any more. Bravo, Johnny Dee.

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 05:01 PM

Well, I reached the end of the alphabet. If anyone wants to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down on each of them, go ahead.

Bret Sabermetric
Sep 03 2005 05:21 PM

Thumbs down.

Just kidding. I thought what we'd do is offer amendments, improvements, changes, and the 26 we want to stand, we'll eventually reach some sort of consensus on.

Like the Ranking Project, I think that what will make this one work is the consent of the governed. That was really a beautiful ego-less thing to see, all of us working and cussing and arguing and having a ball, just to devise a ranking system that made sense, more or less, to everyone involved. Of all the projects I've been involved with over the last few decades, the Ranking Project is one of the ones I'm proudest of.

If you're all willing-- and that includes being willing to argue "Aw, Salbretdoc, no one cares about all this pointyheaded jargon that you're prolly making up as you go along, we just WUUUUUV Poster X's pome, so yeah STFU"--that's what I think we should do.

Do you get the impression, btw, that I WUUUUV this project?

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 05:25 PM

I agree. And yes, it is obvious.

Zvon
Sep 03 2005 05:35 PM

Valadius wrote:
Well, I reached the end of the alphabet. If anyone wants to give a thumbs-up or thumbs-down on each of them, go ahead.


I think they are great Val.
You have a way with words.

Im still tryin to make one for A

Valadius
Sep 03 2005 08:16 PM

To recap, here's my collection of Mets quatrains.

A is for Agee
The Miracle Man
Whose diving catches
Thrilled many a fan.

B is for Backman
Hard-nosed as hell
Rarely went deep
But played the game well.

C is for Carter
Known as "The Kid"
Played with a smile
That he never hid.

D is for Darling
Smart as can be
Ladies would scream
As he worked 1-2-3.

E is for Elster
Much talent untapped
His biggest mistake?
He wouldn't adapt.

F is for Franco
The better of two
He gave us a show
Whenever he threw.

G is for Gooden
Known as Doc K
A spectacular kid
Let his skills waste away.

H, for Hernandez
Though there have been three
Mex was the best
We all can agree.

I is for Izzy
Who once pitched at Shea
The trade for Bill Taylor -
The end of Gen K.

J is for Johnson
HoJo to most
Kept us alive
With Darryl a ghost.

K is for Koosman
But we called him Koos.
With him on the mound,
We'd win more than lose.

L is for Leiter
Our Jersey Boy
His starts would often
Fill us with joy.

M's for McGraw
Boy, Tug could relieve
His most famous quote?
Ya Gotta Believe.

N is for Niemann
Gave Cashen a toast
He did the least,
Celebrated the most.

O's for Orosco
Was traded for Koos
For many a year
Were hitters confused.

P's for Piazza
Our very own Mike
With one mighty swing
Our offense would spike.

Q is the question
That we all still ask
Will we see a no-hitter?
Can we at last bask?

R is for Reyes
Who gives us a burst
Like lightning he sprints
From home plate to first.

S is for Stengel,
Seaver and Straw.
One made us laugh,
Two, gape in awe.

T is for Teufel
Who shuffled at bat
When Dibble threw in
Ol' Tuff knocked him flat.

U is for Unser
Played center quite well
We got him for Tug
But soon said farewell.

V is for Valentine,
Ol' Bobby V.
Mr. Mustachio
Filled us with glee.

W's for Wright
Who crushes the ball
If he keeps it up
He'll enter the Hall.

X is for Esix
Quick as can be
After last season
We set him free.

Y is for Youngblood
Was on some bad teams
Once, he had hair
His forehead now gleams.

Z is for Zachry
Fought with Ron Cey
He was no Seaver
Still, was okay.

ScarletKnight41
Sep 03 2005 08:18 PM

Nicely done :)

TheOldMole
Sep 06 2005 09:13 AM

C is for Chiti,
A cunning old elf;
He came in a trade,
Turned out 'twas for himself.

TheOldMole
Sep 06 2005 09:14 AM

C is for Coleman,
Who did nothing but carp
And injure his leg
When rolled up in a tarp.

Benjamin Grimm
Sep 06 2005 09:16 AM

X could be Felix
The man, not the cat
Millan crouched at the plate
Hands held high on the bat

MFS62
Sep 06 2005 03:06 PM

TheOldMole wrote:
C is for Chiti,
A cunning old elf;
He came in a trade,
Turned out 'twas for himself.


Mole, that can make my Metalphabet any ol' time.

Later

Valadius
Sep 07 2005 11:06 AM

BUMP

This thread is too good to fall off the front page.

Valadius
Sep 08 2005 05:43 PM

R is for Randolph
Ol' Willie's a pain
We lose the close games
'Cause he has no brain.

Valadius
Sep 08 2005 05:46 PM

L is for Looper
He blows lots of saves
We'll trade him come winter
Along with Dan Graves.