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Jun 10 2005 09:27 PM

my 17 year old daughter was just dumped by her high school boyfriend of two and a half years. They were to the point where he was her only freind, they were inseperable. She's spent the last two days in tears, hanging around me, her dad. It's tough because i don't relly know what to say, I mean I've said all the "regular" time it'll get better, blah, blah, but she is just miserable. it is breaking my heart to see her this way.

Ladies, put on your memeory did you get through the break-up with your first love? you have any suugestions for a dad who is trying to help his 17 year old daughter through a very tough time?

Jun 10 2005 09:46 PM

Jersey - even though I'm not one of the ladies, I think I can help.

As her dad, just being there for her will mean the world to her. Listen to her, give her a shoulder to cry on - this alone is probably better than any magic words that you can say.

And don't pile on. If she starts bashing him, let her get it out of her system, but don't add to it. Just support her and let her know that you're there for her.

Good Luck.

Jun 10 2005 10:20 PM

JS, I don't have to think that far back, I have a daughter too.

One of the hard knocks of being a parent is realizing that there is nothing you can do to heal their broken hearts. It is probably one of the hardest things you will face as her father.

You feel like if you say nothing, she'll think you don't care. You feel like if you keep bringing it up, you might be imposing on a moment when she might have actually been feeling better.

As lubitul says, let her talk if she wants to, let her be quiet if she wants that.

PS, my daughter has always liked to have her hair "petted" when she is down. Can you think of any ways you use to calm her when she was little? They don't seem to outgrow them

And remember, for yourself, that she will feel better in time.

Jun 10 2005 10:35 PM

JS - I can't add anything substantial to what lubitul and cooby already said.

Just follow her lead. She may want to talk to you. She may prefer talking to her mom. She may prefer talking to her girlfriends. She may just need some time to hibernate.

There are really no words that can make things better in the short term, unfortunately. She's going to hurt for a while, and that's just the process.

OTOH, you can never go wrong with a pint of her favorite flavor of Hagen Daz....

Jun 11 2005 08:44 AM

She's got a dad who cares. And that counts for a lot.

Jun 11 2005 06:40 PM

Are you a single parent?
Is she your oldest child?

Tell her:
"Honey, I've never gone through something like this before, and I've never had to deal with it as a parent. But I love you, so let's try to work through this together." (or something like that)


Edgy DC
Jun 11 2005 09:46 PM

I'm not a parent. I've never even played a parent, despite some excellent acting in my history.

For what it's worth, at least it happened at the start of summer, rather than while school's in and she'd have to face the gossip mill every day.

Instead she can spend this summer on the border of adulthood finding out who she is as an individual, instead of defining herself as part of a couple. It's important (though don't immediately try to sell her that idea). In fact, I think I'm going to go break up with my girlfriend.

Sounds to me like, if it's you she wants to be around, you've done a lot correctly already. Be yourself, baby.

Jun 13 2005 12:33 PM

Man I remember my first broken heart - Samantha Martin.

Boy that hurt. But I got over it, we all do. Time heals all wounds and as hard as it might be to imagine that in the midst of the crisis - it's true.

Good luck to her Jersey, I bet she's falling head over heels again in no time

Edgy DC
Jun 13 2005 12:50 PM

Go get it, Google!

Was your Sammy lipglossy?



Was she a bashful scholarship winner?

An organized manager?

Or was she a broadshouldered chick who fell for sketchy-looking guys who took her out into the woods?

Jun 13 2005 01:14 PM

Wow - you got her, she's one of those gals.

Who wants to guess?

Jun 13 2005 01:19 PM

I'll guess the organized manager.

Jun 13 2005 01:22 PM

I'll guess bashful scholarship winner.

Yancy Street Gang
Jun 13 2005 01:30 PM

That's pretty cool (and creepy) that soupcan makes a passing reference to a broken heart from his past, and we can make her face pop up right here.

I'll guess it's the "schoolmarmy" one.

Edgy DC
Jun 13 2005 01:34 PM

I guess that leaves me with Ms. Cheekbones and Dimples.

Jun 13 2005 01:55 PM

Cheekbones and dimples it is!

Haven't seen her since I was maybe 16, she got gorgeous. Not that she wasn't a cute teenager but man.

Ah, Sam. 'twas summer camp where she and I first caught sight of one another. She thought I was cute but it was apparent after only a few days that I was nowhere near her intellectual equal.

Undeterred I continued to pursue her. Alas she would have none of it and finally pulled a knife on me (yup - a knife) and told me if I didn't leave her be she was going to run me through.

Crazy freakin' chick.

Edgy DC
Jun 13 2005 02:09 PM

You have an... interesting private life.

Jun 13 2005 02:41 PM

I used to anyway.

Rockin' Doc
Jun 13 2005 11:21 PM

Soupcan - "Undeterred I continued to pursue her. Alas she would have none of it and finally pulled a knife on me (yup - a knife) and told me if I didn't leave her be she was going to run me through."

Lucky for you she wasn't packing a can opener.